Friday, June 21, 2013
I'm not ok, I'm not ok, I'm not ok. I want to cry but I don't want you to catch me. I don't want to explain. I'm not ok. My heart hurts. I am hurt. No one sees. My insides are bleeding. Heartbroken not that you care. No one does. Heart, I want you to stop. I hope to die but not leave my son. I live in misery so my son can be happy. I'm not ok. What will I do. I don't want to live. I hate my life. I only love my son. I'm not ok. Help.help. Help. Help. Help. I'm not ok.i am not ok . I'm not sure how much longer I can go on. I need help but not to tell my family. I'm scared, alone, help. I'm not ok. I'm not ok!
Friday, June 7, 2013
The start
Depression. My endless depression. Demons in my mind I fight for the sake of my son. I do not want to be here. This is not the life I wanted. I'm not sure if I ever knew what I wanted. I just seem to swim by, going with the flow. Not that I didn't slam into a few rocks and almost ate by a few bears. They cause this depressed person today. My feelings get hurt more then I want them to and I read into to much. The Internet does not help.
I truly feel like my friends don't like me. I live in a small town and the only thing people do is drink. I drank and party and got it all out of me. And no friends call, ask if i want to see a movie. i have to be the one to ask my one friend to a movie and feel akward for asking. i dont drink, I don't see why a parent would drink? And much worse bring kids along (may it be camping or a Bon fire in your back yard.) why embrasses yourself around your kids, bring them into drama or let there ears hear things they should not! Yet I look online there's my friends, together drinking or out to dinner, never asked me. I shouldn't feel like the black sheep of my friends
I don't belong in this town. I was born in the wrong time. My heart and feelings with life and social standing are of that from someone that lived in the 40s/50s. Women with children should not work. Sorry your child needs you more. A child shouldn't go to preschool. If you can't teach your child simple stuff why are you a parent? No such thing was around when I was a child. I believe a woman's place is in the home and the man should work.
You can try to preach but it's a free country and i can believe in what I want. I know I can't be alone, not just in feelings but alone in life. I wonder if anyone sees this in me or thinks I'm just happy go lucky and you can push her around?
I truly feel like my friends don't like me. I live in a small town and the only thing people do is drink. I drank and party and got it all out of me. And no friends call, ask if i want to see a movie. i have to be the one to ask my one friend to a movie and feel akward for asking. i dont drink, I don't see why a parent would drink? And much worse bring kids along (may it be camping or a Bon fire in your back yard.) why embrasses yourself around your kids, bring them into drama or let there ears hear things they should not! Yet I look online there's my friends, together drinking or out to dinner, never asked me. I shouldn't feel like the black sheep of my friends
I don't belong in this town. I was born in the wrong time. My heart and feelings with life and social standing are of that from someone that lived in the 40s/50s. Women with children should not work. Sorry your child needs you more. A child shouldn't go to preschool. If you can't teach your child simple stuff why are you a parent? No such thing was around when I was a child. I believe a woman's place is in the home and the man should work.
You can try to preach but it's a free country and i can believe in what I want. I know I can't be alone, not just in feelings but alone in life. I wonder if anyone sees this in me or thinks I'm just happy go lucky and you can push her around?
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